Three Plays by Mae West by Schlissel Lillian

Author:Schlissel, Lillian
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor and Francis
Published: 2010-10-18T04:00:00+00:00

ACT THREE

(Drawing room of ROLLY Kingsbury’s home. As the curtain rises all the guests of the drag are dancing. At the finish of dance, guests all take seats. The DUCHESS in low-cut black evening gown enters from stairs and crosses to left downstage. PARSONS announces as characters come on.)

PARSONS Mr. Swanson, as the DUCHESS.

No. 1 My goodness here comes the DUCHESS.

No. 2 The DUCHESS!

No. 3 The Grand DUCHESS!

PARSONS Mr. Hathaway as the Doll. (CLEM appears at head of stairs and crosses down right)

No. 4 My God that’s CLEM, the Doll.

No. 5 CLEM, the Doll!

No. 6 The Doll! (TAXI-DRIVER makes his entrance.)

No. 7 She picked herself a grand taxi-driver.

No. 8 Taxi-driver!

No. 9 He’s a taxi-driver!

No. 10 Rough trade, dearie!

No. 12 Rough trade!

PARSONS Mr. Gillingwater! (ROSCO crosses down right.)

No. 13 Hullo, ROSCO.

(WINNIE comes down-stage center. Gives her usual scream.)

No. 14 My God, where have you been?

Everybody Hello WINNIE—How are you? How are you?

(CLEM discovers the DUCHESS trying to make the TAXI-DRIVER.)

CLEM Listen, Bargain, if you don’t want me to clean out this joint, lay off of Civic Virtue before I knock you loose from that flat beezer of yours. I’ve got what gentlemen prefer.

Taxi-Drjver What is this power I have?

CLEM It’s certainly not your face, but that’s for me to know and she to find out, after I’m through—If there’s anything left.

DUCHESS You’ll never be like me, WINNIE.

CLEM Sit down, you big Swede!

(Music. “Toe Dance.” Enter Hell’s Kitchen Kate. A scream is heard.)

WINNIE My Gawd, if it isn’t Kate!

Kate How do you do, how do you do—Your face is very familiar but I don’t know where to put it.

WINNIE —Don’t you remember—I’m the girl that jumped out the window when the wagon drove up.

Kate —Oh yes, of course—But dearie, you should have stayed with us. We had a grand time—The police were perfectly lovely to us—weren’t they girls?

Ensemble Yes!

WINNIE They were?

Kate Perfectly lovely, why the minute I walked into jail, the Captain said—Well, Kate what kind of a cell would you like to have? And I says—Oh, any kind will do, Captain, just so it has a couple of peep holes in it. I crave fresh air.

WINNIE My, but you’re getting thin.

Kate I am not. I can at least cling to a man without wearing him out. You’re terribly fat.

WINNIE Fat! I should say not. I’m the type that men prefer. I can at least go through the navy yard without having the flags drop to half mast.

Kate Listen, dearies—pull in your aerial, you’re full of static. I’m just the type that men crave. The type that burns ‘em up. Why, when I walk up Tenth Avenue, you can smell the meat sizzling in Hell’s Kitchen.

(They share cigarettes. Dance to “How Come You Do Me Like You Do.” scream.)

WINNIE By the way, I saw your husband the other day.

Kate Which one, dearie, which one?

WINNIE The bootlegger—and what he told me about you was enough.

Kate What did he tell you?

WINNIE (Whispers.)

Kate (Scream.) I did not. Anyway I only took two puffs off the horrid old thing—and cigarettes make me deathly sick.

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